40 Reasons Dallasites Shouldn’t Worry About The Vaccine.

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40 Reasons Dallasites Shouldn't Worry About The Vaccine.


If You’ve Ever Done Any Of These Super Dallas Things, You Probably Don’t Need To Worry About What’s In The COVID-19 Vaccine.

First, the good news: Even if it might take a few months before you’re able to get one yourself, COVID-19 vaccines started being rolled out to North Texas healthcare workers this week.

Now, of course, the bad news: In part due to the ongoing rise of America’s anti-vaxxer movement, a not-insignificant portion of the population is vocally expressing trepidation over being administered the injections.

While doctors are doing all they can to quell and discredit these concerns, a perhaps more appropriate counter-marketing campaign would be to fight fire with fire and address the worried parties with the same meme-based logic that they normally so willingly subscribe to.

SEE ALSO: LESSONS DALLAS BAR & RESTAURANT OWNERS LEARNED IN 2020.

Fortunately, many a shit-posting savvy Twitter user has already kicked off this effort, launching a popular new meme format meant to quash any doubts — through very relatable means — that various people might have about the vaccine.

Here’s but one example:

But what about relatable experiences aimed at vaccine-concerned Dallasites, specifically? Funny you should ask!

To that end…

  • if you’ve ever eaten a fried Oreo at the State Fair of Texas…
  • if you’ve ever had the “jungle punch” at an SMU frat party…
  • if you ever did your laundry at Bar of Soap in Expo Park (RIP)…
  • if you’ve ever tussled with a mugger on the Katy Trail…
  • if you ever got a black eye in the pit at Power Trip show…
  • if you’ve ever handed water to someone who just shat their pants at the Dallas Marathon…
  • if you’ve ever gotten a Juvederm injection from someone on D Magazine‘s Best Dallas Doctors list…
  • if you’ve ever shaken Post Malone’s hand…
  • if you (or your dog) has ever swam in White Rock Lake…
  • if you’ve ever partied in your underwear at the annual Halloween party on the Cedar Springs strip…
  • if you’ve ever used a sex toy you bought from vending machines in the bathrooms at Three Links…
  • if you’ve ever shared a joint with a new friend you just made on the lawn during a show at Dos Equis Pavilion…
  • if you’ve ever partied with the Deep Ellum riffraff at Reno’s Chop Shop Saloon…
  • if you’ve ever smelled Erykah Badu’s vagina-scented incense…
  • if you’ve ever ridden along the lazy river at Hurricane Harbor in Arlington…
  • if you’ve ever sweated on the tiny-ass dancefloor at the original Beauty Bar location on Henderson (RIP)…
  • if you’ve ever used the stall-less toilets at Adair’s Saloon…
  • if you’ve ever driven over and inhaled the stank of the Trinity River on a hot August day…
  • if you’ve ever puked in a porta potty during the Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day parade…
  • if you’ve ever participated in the “hen call” at R.L.’s Blues Palace II…
  • if you ever made out with someone on the couches upstairs at The Cavern on Lower Greenville (RIP)…
  • if you’ve ever had Jell-O shots at the Fraternal Order of Eagles pool in East Dallas…
  • if you ever partied with Vinnie Paul or Dime at the Pantera house in Arlington…
  • if you’ve ever eaten a taco off the hood of your car in the Fuel City parking lot after 2 a.m….
  • if you’ve ever ordered the steak at Buzzbrews…
  • if you’ve ever worn a Polyphonic Spree robe…
  • if you’ve ever had a Tuesday night lap-dance at XTC…
  • if you’ve ever had Mexican candy shots at 303 Grill in Oak Cliff…
  • if you ever went to Disturbathon…
  • if you’ve ever smoked K2 in Downtown Dallas…
  • if you ever received a massage from a parlor near the intersection of I-35E and Royal Lane…
  • if you have “13” ink from Elm St. Tattoo…
  • if you ever did blow in the bathroom of Fallout Lounge in Expo Park (RIP)…
  • if you’ve ever eaten a fish you fished out of Bachman Lake…
  • if you ever took ecstasy from a stranger you met on the balcony at Lizard Lounge…
  • if you’ve ever sat in a urine-soaked seat on a DART train…
  • if you’ve ever taken off your heels and walked barefoot through the streets of Uptown…
  • if you’ve ever gotten drunk at The Goat at 8 a.m….
  • if you have a (469) area code…
  • if you’ve ever been teargassed by the Dallas Police Department…

…then you really don’t need to worry about what’s in the vaccine, bro.

A whole bunch of jerks contributed to this piece.





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